And have you thought about your teeth or the condition of your
nails lately?
Every day, and in every way, we consciously and unconsciously
analyze everything about everyone. This is part of being social; it is
part survival; and it is how we size people up to establish some level of
predictability about who and how people are. This is a natural and nonstop
process we experience with everyone we come in contact with. As business
leaders, managers and colleagues, we pay attention to everything about a
person, to gauge who is successful and driven, whom we want on our
teams and whom we would prefer to avoid. Here is a list of 10 subtle
things we get judged on:
1. Appearance
The very first thing to notice about anyone is his or her
overall appearance -- in a bigger picture sense, before we pay attention
to detail. The first things others notice is gender, race, height, weight,
hair and clothing, all of which create deep psychological assessments about us
in others. Meeting someone for the first time is like going through a TSA
checkpoint: We are immediately sized up from the second we come in
contact. To make a good first impression, make sure you’re well-kept, nicely
dressed and clean, and that you smell good and smile.
2. Handshake
Many believe handshakes reveal everything about a person.
Through a handshake, people can sense if we are confident or insecure.
Those with a natural confidence shake hands with a balanced and kind sense of
authority. Too strong a handshake, however, reveals the need to dominate,
while a weak or limp handshake reveals insecurity and/or frailness of
personality.
When making a first impression in an interview, or meeting a new
customer or salesperson, we need to recognize that our handshake is often a
litmus test right from the start. No one wants to start a new relationship with
a weak future. Find a balance among the factors of intelligence, elegance and
confidence when shaking someone else's hand.
3. Teeth
Our teeth function like our business card. Teeth reveal
everything, from social status, income level and hygiene, to our overall
state of health. Attractive, successful people are associated with pearly white
Hollywood smiles. Teeth expose things such as our age and gender and
the type of personality we have, all of which have a huge impact on
the first impression we give.
Bright, white teeth make people look more successful, more
employable and appealing. Pretty, white, straight teeth also make people
appear five years younger, so head off to get that whitening treatment to
improve the first impression you give.
4. Nail-biting
As a psychologist, one of the first things I look for is the
condition of a patient’s fingernails. Nail-biters, or those who pick and chew
the skin around their nails tend to have anxiety issues and issues with
perfectionism. Perfectionistic, nervous people are viewed as having difficulty
relaxing and performing tasks at a normal pace.
Nail-biters tend to have lower levels of frustration tolerance
when they do not meet their goals. They also experience higher levels of
boredom when not deeply involved in a task. To avoid showing your nerves, work
on staying busy to avoid chewing on those nails. Nail-biting is essentially a
form of self-soothing. Taking a little natural GABA supplement (GABA
being gamma-aminobutyric acid, a neuro-transmitter in the brain) can
help calm that nervous energy.
5. Posture
Posture communicates a physical and emotional response to
positive and negative stress. When we feel confident, the chemicals in our
brains prompt us to stand up straight and arch our back. The more confident we
are in ourselves, the taller we stand the major portion of the time. However,
when we feel timid, nervous or fearful, or don’t want to be the center of
attention, our brains react with the impulse to withdrawal into a fetal-like
position.
To make a better impression, keep in mind that we can use our
posture to get us out of negative stress by holding ourselves as if we
have all the confidence in the world.
6. Laughter
Laughter is judged and experienced as relaxing, natural and
lighthearted, or as annoying, overcompensating and nervous. When laughter
is natural and appropriate to the situation, it eliminates tension and boosts
morale. However, when it comes from a disingenuous place, it creates annoyance
and division between people.
Annoying, needy or attention-seeking laughter may be judged by
others as off-putting. So, be sure to laugh naturally, and with a
sense of composure, so people enjoy your company.
7. Tone of voice
When it comes to communication, it is not just our words which
have an impact, but also our tone of voice. Whether one's voice is
booming, screechy, mousy, raspy or demure, it speaks volumes about our
personality. Our voices subtly communicate our true emotional state,
even when we’d rather it not. The subtle wavers in our voice communicate that
we’re sad or nervous.
When our voices get louder, our words more blunted or
pointed, that communicates that we’re angry. This deeply impacts how other
people perceive us, maybe even more so than our physical appearance. That is
why it is often said that, it is not what you say but how you say
it that makes all the difference in communication.
For this reason, think about how you're speaking before you actually do.
8. Eye contact
When there is too much eye contact it can make others feel they
are being stared or glared at, making things awkward or threatening. Too little
eye contact is interpreted as insecurity or a lack of honesty. Natural,
healthy, well-received eye contact lasts no more than six seconds.
It is important to break contact occasionally and look away --
to pause as we express something. It's also important, when
listening, to look at the person speaking with consistency, as
that shows that we’re engaged and listening. The most important thing to
do when we converse is smile. Smiling changes our eyes in a positive way.
9. Punctuality
Being on time communicates responsibility. We spend a
considerable amount of time keeping track of other people’s time, judging them
to be early, on time or late. We use units of time to describe ourselves
and others. For example, describing someone as “always late” may imply a
judgment, that we see that person as disorganized, flaky, disrespectful or
immature.
To be punctual is a positive attribute and a reflection of many
admirable personality qualities, such as responsibility. For this reason, be on
time and/or actively communicate your ETA. Others will appreciate the gesture.
10. Handwriting
If we have to write something by hand at work, or we ask that of
a prospective employee, the handwriting that results will give us some
great insight into who we or they are. It is believed that the size of our
letters reveal whether we are shy or outgoing. Small letters which do not reach
the top line are indicative of a timid or introverted personality.
When we write with large letters which go over the top line, we
are seen as more outgoing and confident. Those who put a lot of space between
words are seen as preferring to have more freedom and independence, while those
who put very little space between letters are seen as preferring to be around others
and disliking being alone. When we dot our I’s and cross our T’s, we are seen
as detail oriented, and if we apply a lot of pressure to our pen, we are seen
as confident, whereas if we write lightly, we are viewed as more sensitive and
empathic.
Because it is natural to judge and be judged, use this list to
understand how others may be perceiving you and your personality. These subtle
things are oftentimes the make-it-or-break-it factors that determine your
receiving future opportunities over others. So, pay attention.
Written By: Sherrie Campbell
Credit: Entrepreneur.com
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